The Queen of Terror

Words are pouring from me
I hate them already.
It's not in me, spreading hate
But fuck I want to
I fucking need to!
Where did it go
When did it go?
How could I have let it go?
This beast of an emotion
Tears my brain apart
Bleeds my lungs dry.
I'm a caterpillar.
I'm a spider.
I want to bite and fuck
And destroy everything I own.
I want to move to the mountain tops
and scream and punch trees,
I want to lose my self in something
ANYTHING!
Why can't I?
Have you taken it from me?!
Did you let me taste it?
I can't fucking remember
I can't type anything
I keep erasing and rewriting
I'm a fucking cliche of someone who knows absolutely nothing.

But then again I could be wrong...

It could be you
Seducing me.
Making me lay out my soul
For you to drive a hammer through it.
Let me get close, then sting me.
Drive me fucking crazy,
Call me fucking crazy,
then like a cat, lay in my lap.
Your wrath has no equal
Your mind is firm
You are you.
I took you on that premise only
Only to realize the magnitude later.
I guess there's always someone better
But why?!
I laid down my sword,
Picked you a flower,
You took it,
Laughed,
We made love.
But all the while
Kept concealed, a knife
For with my armor off
You could easily lay into me
cutting away pieces of flesh
And I let you do it!
I withered, you fed me
I was thirsty, you got me drunk
God I've never been so drunk.
I don't think I can ever be so again.
Is it that you were lazy,
You just couldnt muster the strength to
move these stones that had fallen
You let them build up.
We let them build up.
We were drunk and no one cared,
Fucking like goats,
Away in a swirl of self induced ecstasy.
We stumbled up mountains,
We crashed into ourselves,
I couldn't hold on.
You were living 100 years in the future
You a queen of terror
I a folk legend.
Your hands, calloused with anger,
Absorbing all of me.

I shoveled the coal in this train;
You drove it off a cliff

I can't help but to think,
That's what i do best,
you know that
I thought you did,
Maybe not.
I think about every detail
As minute as it can be remembered
Trying to determine the tipping point
Where we both began to drown.
I'm a lightweight
You held me up, puking and laughing.
I don't think you ever
really cared.